Remembering My Mom

Every Mother's Day, I take some time to remember my mom. She was a quiet person. She was very crafty and made me a few clothes, including dresses and short outfits. (You know, a top, and a pair of shorts.) She never put much anger and strength in to disciplining us, as if her heart was not in it. She always encouraged me to do my best and that I could do anything if I put my all into it. She also made sure I went to Girl Scouts every week. She never told me what her hopes and dreams for me were, but I think that she wanted me to be a strong, brave woman. Girl Scouts did a lot for my character. I use to be extremely shy and self conscious, but as God has changed my life and I'm no longer afraid of my shadow, I have discovered an adventurous side of my personality. And I can see how Girl Scouts helped me, too. My mom must have loved children, since she and my dad had five together. At a time when many women were choosing to enter the work force (or needed to), my mom decided that she wanted to stay at home. For a while, she worked at the cotton mill. She cut her finger almost all the way off on one of the machines. That could have contributed to her decision.

She did an awesome job taking care of the house and our family. She always made us great meals. My favorite meal was fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. The mashed potatoes were real potatoes and she actually used a potato masher. The green beans were from my uncles farm, which we helped to snap and she then spent her time canning. She made us biscuits almost every night for supper. I have never learned to make them. I tried once when I was first married, but they were hard as bricks and my husband laughed at me. I have never forgiven him (ha ha) and have never even tried to do it again. She also made us pancakes from scratch every Saturday. Many days of the week she would cook us eggs and bacon for breakfast before we went to school. My all time favorite thing about my mom was the homemade birthday cake. On every birthday, we got to choose what kind of cake we wanted. (This is a time when cakes and sweets were not given often. The cake actually used to be the best part of the party.)She made the cake from scratch and if you wanted she could also make the icing. I always like devil's food cake. Chocolate cake and chocolate icing. It might not seem like much to some people, but this was usually the only gift we received. (all we could afford) I felt so loved when she made me that birthday cake. She took her time and did that just for me. In a group of five, you felt pretty special on your birthday. The great thing about having one sister and three brothers, is an instant party. I remember one time when my sister made up party game for us. That is a special memory that will always stand out. Funny thing is, lately, I've been wishing I would have had more children.

Even when she was sick with cancer, my mom used to get up and wake us up. She would do what she could and then go back to bed. All she had to do was say my name and some how I just sat straight upright in the bed, instantly awake. It was a marked memory when I started waking up by an alarm. My mom had always been there to do things that I took for granted and it was really hard to face each day with the stark reminder of her absence.

My mom died when I was fourteen. I still remember that day very well. It was late April and raining. She fell and we had to call the ambulance. They put a sheet over her face to shield her from the rain when they took her out on the stretcher. She was not comfortable with that, but that's what they did. I remember staring at her, trying to say the words, 'I love you', but I didn't want her to know I was upset. Consequently, for years after, I had dreams of trying to get to her to tell her something important. I still remember one that I had over and over. In the dream, we were living in a different house that had french doors. I would search all over for her and end up at those doors. I could see her in there at the table at her sewing machine making something. I would bang on the door and try to open them, but I never got in and she never looked up. For some reason, she could not hear me.

I know that my mom knew that I loved her. I just wish that I would have spent more time showing her through respect and being helpful. The older you get the more you appreciate your mom. If you still have your mom, take time to mend your relationship. Like a friend of mine says, "Build a bridge and get over it." I'm not trying to make light of painful situations. But like the Judd's said, "Love can build a bridge between your heart and mine. Love can build a bridge, don't you think it's time, don't you think it's time."

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all moms!